RIDILUX: Billionaire Couture's $50K Umbrella

Yes, I know that it has been a while since I've broken out the "Ridilux," or ridiculous luxury, posts on here. Believe me, I haven't slacked on them due to a dearth of things to feature, rather the opposite. 

Today, however, I ran across this Crocodile Umbrella from the brand Billionaire Couture, which more than qualifies for Ridilux. The Croc Umbrella symbolizes everything that makes me slightly ill when it comes to bad products: excessive use of exotic skins, zero practicality or function, ugly-ass design and a pricetag to get you kidnapped regardless of country. $50,000 will get you a single useless umbrella; heaven forbid it gets wet! Only Farnsworth Bentley could sport this (on loan) and get away with it. I rest my case.

[Via Born Rich]

Swingin Pad: A Shower to Shout About

Occasionally I find myself wandering over to check out the various design-y loveliness at Trendir.com, only to have my soul curl up in coveting. Today's feature of the "Why Only White (WOW)" Collection of shower backdrops brought out the rare domestic side of me, the one that maybe in forty year wants to have a house to (tastefully) fill with cool crap. 

Should you come to my first housewarming party in the year 2048, you may gawk at my awesome shower, which will have the math pattern shown above. Of course by then showers may be 360-degree and instant, but in that case I will have a math-patterned 360-degree instant shower (or Bisazza, since they will probably always be around). 

On the Lickability of Covers

Checking out this very colorful, scrumdidillyumptious AM NY cover from last week, I am reminded of an old Jezebel post on the licking habits of the editor of Cosmopolitan.

It went a little something like this: "My sense of a good cover that will sell is if I want to lick it... and the Beyonce [December 2007] cover I licked several times... before the sun came up."

Now reconsider this AM NY front page. It has gourmet donuts with an added bonus of chocolates, a hot couple nuzzling on a picturesque beach, Daniel Craig looking dashing, something about Madonna and something for the sports buffs. If there is one thing I have learned about print and online media, people will read anything about multicolor baked goods, be they overpriced cupcakes or rare macarons. Now add some great graphic design to the mix and you have a very lickable issue. 

What's more is that everyone can identify with Cosmo's linguo love; I, for one, want to lick almost every page of every issue of Monocle. This is especially true for when they break out the illustrations in the retro style of Miroslav Sasek, or when they put a Frankfurter on the cover. I remain a reluctant fan of Tyler Brule, however, as his articles are so heavy-handed and pretentious. Like we get it, you love Toto toilets and Valextra. Anyways, I digress. Go lick some print journalism while its still around.

[Image via Urbanite]

After All the Hubbub: Chanel's Mobile Art

I dutifully attended my 1:15pm ticket reservation for Chanel Mobile Art in Central Park on Monday, October 27. The day was beautiful; one caught between other days of rain and drear. Having scored one of the very few time slots available online, my friend and I queued up and cast pitying glances back at the long, long line of standbys. Reading blogs kept me out of the wannabe line and I found myself swiftly ushered into the lovechild of Zaha and Karl. 

A few notes: When we interacted with any of the Mobile Art staff, they were so extremely gracious that we'd say the service mirrored that of sales associates in the Chanel stores. Although we did (hilariously) catch one of the dudes grumbling about how all the tourists go crazy for their uniforms (black windbreakers with white Chanel buttons), he personally thought they weren't all that nice. 

While we actually relished the Soundwalk guide, WAY too much time was spent gazing down into the hole with insect projections; we would have preferred to peek longer inside the shipping container with S&M bear or watch more of the video inside of the powder compact, where girls were full-out gunning down Chanel bags on a shooting range.

Yoko Ono's "wish tree" installation was interactive, sure, but damn there were a lot of very shallow wishes on those things. But then what should we expect in going to a luxury-branded museum? 

Aside from the aforementioned Chanel shooting range video, my favorite piece was most definitely Lee Bul's "Light Years" room, whose walls directly mirrored the famous Chanel stairway inside of their Rue Cambon address. Sitting in the middle of the room was a pile of light topped with leather scraps from bag manufacturing, all the while tempting you to touch it. 

So my tour lasted exactly 45 minutes and concluded unceremoniously...actually I wasn't even sure it was over until there was no where else left to go. Oh yes, and the New York issue of the program is SO not as well done as the first Hong Kong one. Whatever Karl, I see how it is.

Abomination On The Street

There are no words. I believe the many ironies present here speak for themselves. Let me know if you'd like a diatribe.

Shot a few nights ago on West 9th Street between 5th and 6th Avenues.

In Today's News: I Made a Sandwich

Isn't it beautiful, sitting there in all its plastic-plated glory? Note the addition of prosciutto!

This is the result of my watching two hours of Food Network shows today, half of which was Bobby Flay throwing down lots of fried chicken. I was inspired; maybe if my countertop space was larger than a TV tray I'd have made something truly incredible. For now, I am loving the sandwich. 

In related news, there is an apple in my fridge that has been there for OVER A YEAR. It's a granny smith, and granny just turned 14 months old. It is not rotten or squishy or discolored; it is simply bionic. We are at a stalemate currently, as I'm beyond the point of eating it but too curious to throw it away.  

(Note on my fridge contents: Lu biscuits from a Fashion Week gift bag, mini vodka hiding behind the lime juice is also from FW gift bag, and check out the IKEA lingonberry jam propping up the notorious apple)

How Do You Say "Waste of Money" in French?

I know how to say it in pictures: the Colette x Gap pop-up shop AND Swarovski's fall collection. In addition to being huge wastes of money, they are also both eyesores up on Fifth Ave and Madison Ave, respectively. 

On Colette: In the interest of full disclosure, I have never been one to have heart palpitations over new Colette collabs, and am heavily skeptical of their image as a tastemaking store. Still, I was willing to give their GAP shop a chance because of my fascination with pop-ups. 

Immediately after entering the store (around 7.30pm on a weekday), I was struck with how un-special the space looked. It didn't make you want to shop; the place was way too bright and none of the displays looked inviting. While I am fully aware of the Colette Paris shopping experience, and how it is not meant to be typical in any way, I was still terribly turned off. 

I picked up the shoelaces - egh. I sniffed at the Comme des Garcons - nothing I haven't already gotten from Barneys. I almost took a closer look at the keychains and pin until I overheard a sales associate quote the pin price to another customer: $110. If I won't pay $320 for a truly spectacular skirt at J. Crew because then I'd be paying $320 for a skirt at J. Crew, then I sure as hell am not going to find a $100+ GAP keychain to be a necessary accessory. 

Then I passed the erasers and pencils. This is the crap most people will be purchasing, just to have participated in the collab. A small, yellow foam duplo-looking block with the Colette logo was puzzling; it had no function except to cost $16. 

My overriding impression of the store came as a whispered exclamation as I glared down at the post-it notes: "It's like they ordered stuff from a promotional items catalog and just had their logo applied." Then I left.

On Swarovski: Go to any mall's Claire's store and ask to see the "prom jewelry" in the locked plexi cases. Then add two zeros onto the price of each item and voila - it's Swarovski. 

I was just wandering around Madison Ave as usual when I walked by their horrendous fall collection, whose muse could be none other than Ashley Alexandra Dupre. I mean, didn't Victoria's Secret have that weird crystal tie thing in their catalog five years ago? Anyway, I've put the images below for you to form your own opinion.

A Bit of Barneys Buzz

So as a little gift to myself for my birthday, I've hopped a jet to Chicago for the week. Since you'll easily be able to find my exploits elsewhere, I'll only update a few trivial happenings.

Since my last post, I have ...

• Fled to Boston for a weekend only to eat a lot of Korean food and continue north to Maine for the outlets. I am a person raised on road trips; every June we would drive 10 hours to hang out in a hotel pool and maybe go "gold mining" in Gatlinburg. Those were the days...I was 10 and memorizing rations of travel pamphlets from the local Carlson Wagonlit.

• Done up New York Restaurant Week and peer-pressured others to join me, as usual. Rarely am I to be found in Midtown unless cheap gourmet dining is involved, or I feel like sneaking up to my personal piece of the sky: a condo rooftop where I've learned the secret of access.

• Waxed loquacious about many things, among them being the craze-tastic Barneys Warehouse Sale. Due to an impending trip tightening my purse strings, I successfully resisted the lure of ultra-discounted designer duds until yesterday morning. A Saturday update got me at my weakest: relaxed and surfing on the beginnings of a flight high, as I was due to depart straight from the sale to the 312. And so....
  

I scored this dramatic F/W '08 Rodnik "Horror Show" trench ...

... even though I had been drinking in the sight of these YSL Getty wedges since the first day. I even had them in hand to purchase, but decided that the money would be better used on future airfare. Plus, I've already got some red patent Prada cork & bamboo wedges, but shhhh. (Photos via Rodnik and Neimans)