In Today's News: I Made a Sandwich

Isn't it beautiful, sitting there in all its plastic-plated glory? Note the addition of prosciutto!

This is the result of my watching two hours of Food Network shows today, half of which was Bobby Flay throwing down lots of fried chicken. I was inspired; maybe if my countertop space was larger than a TV tray I'd have made something truly incredible. For now, I am loving the sandwich. 

In related news, there is an apple in my fridge that has been there for OVER A YEAR. It's a granny smith, and granny just turned 14 months old. It is not rotten or squishy or discolored; it is simply bionic. We are at a stalemate currently, as I'm beyond the point of eating it but too curious to throw it away.  

(Note on my fridge contents: Lu biscuits from a Fashion Week gift bag, mini vodka hiding behind the lime juice is also from FW gift bag, and check out the IKEA lingonberry jam propping up the notorious apple)

How Do You Say "Waste of Money" in French?

I know how to say it in pictures: the Colette x Gap pop-up shop AND Swarovski's fall collection. In addition to being huge wastes of money, they are also both eyesores up on Fifth Ave and Madison Ave, respectively. 

On Colette: In the interest of full disclosure, I have never been one to have heart palpitations over new Colette collabs, and am heavily skeptical of their image as a tastemaking store. Still, I was willing to give their GAP shop a chance because of my fascination with pop-ups. 

Immediately after entering the store (around 7.30pm on a weekday), I was struck with how un-special the space looked. It didn't make you want to shop; the place was way too bright and none of the displays looked inviting. While I am fully aware of the Colette Paris shopping experience, and how it is not meant to be typical in any way, I was still terribly turned off. 

I picked up the shoelaces - egh. I sniffed at the Comme des Garcons - nothing I haven't already gotten from Barneys. I almost took a closer look at the keychains and pin until I overheard a sales associate quote the pin price to another customer: $110. If I won't pay $320 for a truly spectacular skirt at J. Crew because then I'd be paying $320 for a skirt at J. Crew, then I sure as hell am not going to find a $100+ GAP keychain to be a necessary accessory. 

Then I passed the erasers and pencils. This is the crap most people will be purchasing, just to have participated in the collab. A small, yellow foam duplo-looking block with the Colette logo was puzzling; it had no function except to cost $16. 

My overriding impression of the store came as a whispered exclamation as I glared down at the post-it notes: "It's like they ordered stuff from a promotional items catalog and just had their logo applied." Then I left.

On Swarovski: Go to any mall's Claire's store and ask to see the "prom jewelry" in the locked plexi cases. Then add two zeros onto the price of each item and voila - it's Swarovski. 

I was just wandering around Madison Ave as usual when I walked by their horrendous fall collection, whose muse could be none other than Ashley Alexandra Dupre. I mean, didn't Victoria's Secret have that weird crystal tie thing in their catalog five years ago? Anyway, I've put the images below for you to form your own opinion.

A Bit of Barneys Buzz

So as a little gift to myself for my birthday, I've hopped a jet to Chicago for the week. Since you'll easily be able to find my exploits elsewhere, I'll only update a few trivial happenings.

Since my last post, I have ...

• Fled to Boston for a weekend only to eat a lot of Korean food and continue north to Maine for the outlets. I am a person raised on road trips; every June we would drive 10 hours to hang out in a hotel pool and maybe go "gold mining" in Gatlinburg. Those were the days...I was 10 and memorizing rations of travel pamphlets from the local Carlson Wagonlit.

• Done up New York Restaurant Week and peer-pressured others to join me, as usual. Rarely am I to be found in Midtown unless cheap gourmet dining is involved, or I feel like sneaking up to my personal piece of the sky: a condo rooftop where I've learned the secret of access.

• Waxed loquacious about many things, among them being the craze-tastic Barneys Warehouse Sale. Due to an impending trip tightening my purse strings, I successfully resisted the lure of ultra-discounted designer duds until yesterday morning. A Saturday update got me at my weakest: relaxed and surfing on the beginnings of a flight high, as I was due to depart straight from the sale to the 312. And so....
  

I scored this dramatic F/W '08 Rodnik "Horror Show" trench ...

... even though I had been drinking in the sight of these YSL Getty wedges since the first day. I even had them in hand to purchase, but decided that the money would be better used on future airfare. Plus, I've already got some red patent Prada cork & bamboo wedges, but shhhh. (Photos via Rodnik and Neimans)

LV Holds In Your Junk

Things I've turned up in my random strolls around teh internetz...
It holds your junk...
(not LV, but VO? and it makes me happy on many levels)
via Kanye West Blog

...and it holds your junk.
(Remy Ma probably had a seamstress cut up an old Speedy or something. Kind of like Scarlet O'Hara.) via 7Days7Nights

What Would Betsy Ross Think?

(Click to enlarge)

Since I got over being political after doing a Presidential Classroom program my junior year of high school, I will only be so again for a second:

This dress above (displayed because of the recent Fourth of July holiday) in a Garment District shop on West 38th Street would have been awesome on Hillary (even though I'm down with the 'bama). Well ok not really, as she doesn't have the stature and svelte little waist that the stripes seek to highlight (and having met her in her senatorial digs once, I sure felt about a foot taller).

In any case, I totally remember seeing a picture of her waltzing with Bill at his first inaugural ball in 1992 while wearing a purple crystal-encrusted gown. I remember not so much because it was gorgeous (which it was not) but because it was just a lot of purple and sparkle and I was young. The older me is now attracted to primary, bold colors and thus I am strangely drawn to this ode to America.
Just one question: what is up with the tiara? Loyalists!

Les Touristes de Nouveau Yorque

(Click to enlarge)

As you walk down West 34th, wondering what the hell brought you up there in the first place, you are surrounded by the tourists with their various plastic bags of souvenirs: hot pink leggings from H&M, cork wedges from Nine West and a silk bejeweled tunic from Zara. None of this is New York, but they will delight in telling their friends back home that it's from "oh, some little hidden boutique in the east village." Note that this recently happened for a friend of mine, whose acquaintance purchased a leather journal and fountain pen at Barnes & Noble as a souvenir of New York (wtf?)

Well, these are the names of those heretofore unnamed tourist passers-by, according to the cheap mini license plate stock: Pierre, Mitch, Kelsey, Kari, Katheryn, Pablo, Marc, Lori, Pepe, Neil... it's all a smattering of outre Europeans and American suburbanites. It looks like the least popular names (meaning most plates leftover) are Peggy and Judy - because ladies with those names are probably sensible enough to be in Disney World on vacation, getting engraved crystal Epcot Centers.

Let's end things on a high note:

Anyone who purchases one of the shirts below knows what they've gotten themselves into. Especially that green one - I mean, NYC, Starbucks AND it's American Apparel? I want to hang out with the person who takes that back to Liege, Belgium and shows it off at his local pommes frites vendor. Yes, sir.

Comics to Redefine Comics

Among the things that get me through every day are, surprisingly, comics. Aside from a brief 7-issue collection of the physical comic book Catwoman: When in Rome (see picture top right) my daily departures have been of the web variety. On the top left there we have my highest recommendation: Eliza Frye's "The Lady's Murder," a mystery of beguiling images which are drawn and painted and instantly scanned to reveal the story one page per day.

And then there are the hilarious quips also doled out daily by Married to the Sea (bottom left) and Wondermark (bottom right). Is the turn to web comics a piece of the dilapidation of print media? Sure, why not. But then everyone wants to turn a hard profit, thus Wondermark found its way into The Onion and Eliza Frye is searching for a printer. When/if these series end, what will I read over dinner? Oh, books - yea those.

Laughing Quietly to Myself on the Subway

Just as I'm sure that if you're reading this you know about JetBlue's new jetting campaign, I trust that you'll join me in being extremely entertained by their ads. The other day, while rambling along underground on the F train, I squinted up at the JetBlue "timeline," throughout which pleasant little quips are made about the olden days of air travel. I read the whole thing, which took about 30 seconds out of my precious staring-into-space time, and found myself quietly tee-heeing by Broadway/Lafayette. Here I share with you my favorite two, but admittedly the one below really left me with a private smirk. Oh my god, I am such a dork.